First Day of School

So today was the first day of school. Well, sort of. Jack had a one hour orientation for preschool and Emma started Mother's Day Out. As you can imagine I've had mixed emotions about all of it. How on earth is it possible that my firstborn will be going to kindergarten next year ? Although his behavior lately has been rather charm free (ok, downright obnoxious) and I may be looking into military school, but I digress.

What I'm really struggling with is sending Emma to Mother's Day Out. She's almost 2 and I always thought I'd keep her home as long as possible since she's my baby. Plus I have all that guilt that comes with the second one and how they don't get enough one on one time....

She's only going 2 mornings a week so it's not like I'm sending her off to boarding school or anything. I definitely think she's ready to get out and spread her wings a bit and play with someone other than her brother. I'm also hopeful that this will help with the fact that she still falls apart when I leave the room. She only wants me, all the time. Even the pediatrician recommended enrolling her in some sort of program so that she can start to get over the extreme separation anxiety.

But, oh, the guilt. She was fine when I left her, but of course when I picked her up she ran at me and clung to me as though she had been away at sea for a year. And I was crushed. Now, I've been down this road before. When Jack started MDO he cried at first too. They all do, according to the teacher. But it was different this time because I know how she gets when I leave the room and she can still see me. So I held her while she sobbed and fought back the tears while wondering how much money I should be putting away for her future therapy bills.

I'm sure (God, I hope) in a few weeks she'll settle in and really start to love it. Then I can relax a bit. Until I realize that she no longer needs to be attached to me all day long. That my baby is no longer a baby and that I am no longer the center of her universe.

I think I'd better be socking away some money for my own therapy as well.