Whine and Grilled Cheese

Wait,what day is this?

2009-11-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those days where you're a day behind? Or ahead? Like, it's Tuesday but you think it's Monday, or maybe Wednesday? My entire week has been like that. My whole head has been like that. To say I'm fuzzy is an understatment.

I'd like to blame it on the piglet flu but I'm not sure that looking up after throwing something in the garbage can and being surprised that you're in your kitchen can be blamed on that. I mean, it's not like I'm running a high fever and am delirious. Unless, of course, this ginormous swollen gland in my neck has somehow cut off blood supply to my brain.

More than a few times this week I've completely flaked out. I have had no idea what day it is. ALL WEEK. I've forgotten more things than I care to mention. I've driven my kids to school without their backpacks. Forgotten to put snacks in said backpacks. Forgotten library books. Forgot to take my medication. THAT I TAKE EVERY DAY AND HAVE DONE SO FOR YEARS (Synthroid, nothing serious. But still..) The list goes on and on. And frankly, I'm starting to become a bit concerned. But hey, I'll probably forget about it. So there's always that.

Piglet flu

2009-11-06T11:14:00.000-08:00

Me: Sore throat, aches, headache, nausea. Kids: horrible sounding cough. Husband: no symptoms (what else is new?!?)

None of us have a fever. Perhaps we have piglet flu? This would go over well what with Em's current obsession with My Friends Tigger and Poo.

In Sickness and in Health- What About in Bitterness and Resentment?

2009-02-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

I think the title pretty much sums it up.

Do Princesses Play Rugby?

2009-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

Because I may have to sign Em up. She'll be playing in a pink tutu of course, but she'll be right there in the middle of the scrum. I'm typing this after yet another injury at the hands of my daughter. She's more Bam Bam than Pebbles these days, that's for sure. She delights in inflicting pain. Whether it's pulling Jack's hair or smacking me, she just howls with laughter whenever anyone says, "OWW!"

This is the child who is in head to toe pink every day and would wear her tutu to bed if I let her. She loves to brush her hair and is already fascinated with makeup at 2 years old. Which means that she may be a bully but she'll look really sweet while she's stealing other kids' lunch money. And hitting them with her pink purse.

Pure Joy

2009-01-14T17:28:00.001-08:00

Is laughing hysterically with your children. I had that moment today while I was driving; the three of us all laughing uncontrollably. I had to pull over on the side of our street. It just doesn't get much better than that.

Strike a Pose

2009-01-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, what in the name of headgear is she wearing? It looks like her hat is giving birth to her face.

Leave Me Alone

2009-01-11T12:21:00.001-08:00

You know what I'd like? A day of being single. No, not so I can date again. So I can do nothing again. I'd just like one day of being lazy. Or not even lazy, just not having to answer to someone all day. And by answer to someone I mean my 4 year old. Both kids want me non-stop 24/7. But he requires so much of me lately and the past few days it's kind of pushed me a bit over the edge.

Now in both our defense, we've been cooped up in the house for 5 days. So the neediness is off the charts at this point. But even on a good day I'm just WORN OUT by the end of the day. It goes without saying that I love this little boy with my whole heart and soul. He's so inquisitive and clever and just wants to talk and play all day. For that I am truly blessed; my head never hits the pillow at night without my saying a prayer of thanks for both my amazing, healthy little ones. However, the past few weeks of sickness, not enough sleep, my aunt's death, winter blues, etc., have just left me feeling like I need to replenish myself.

I feel like my soul needs a vitamin. The only way I know how to get out of this kind of funk is some time to myself. Doing nothing. I am craving it right now. I just want the kind of day where I sleep late, lounge around the house in my pajamas and watch mindless Lifetime movies. Throw in a hot bath and curling up with a good book and I'm in heaven.

Since that is just so not going to happen, for now my alone time is going to have to consist of a solo trip to the grocery store with my iPod. I'll pick up some vitamins and a good book maybe. And I'll take the long way home.

Oh, Just Piss Off

2009-01-09T18:16:00.000-08:00

1) For whatever reason the grocery store was mobbed today. As a result there were not enough open registers so I did self-checkout. I had both kids with me so I was trying to wrangle them both while unloading my cart and ringing up my food. It would have been about 50 times faster and 100 times LESS ANNOYING had the woman who works in the self-checkout section actually been paying any attention to her monitor. Had she done that she would have seen that my computer was seriously freaking out and I required some assistance like NOW. And of course when I asked for help I got the requisite sigh and eye roll. Bitch.

2) When you've spent only minutes at home w/ your family the past 3 days (who, by the way, are all sick and have been cooped up for the past 3 days) do NOT give me shit about the fact that I am "barking" at Jack for getting water on the bathroom floor while playing in the tub. Seriously. I might have to hurt you.

3) Do not equate losing sleep because your dog takes up too much room in your bed with the sleep deprivation that comes with having to get up all night long with a newborn. Sorry, but it's not even close. Not even a little bit. At all.

4) When I complain that Moms do not get to take a sick day, please do me a favor and just let it go. Don't come back with, "Oh, I know. I can't take a sick day either or else my staff would be so swamped." As above, it is not even in the same ballpark. You choose not to take a sick day for fear of the consequences. I have no choice. Unless I can get Mary Poppins on the phone a sick day just ain't happening for me. (oh, and this is not directed at the hubster, he takes a sickie whenever he wants)

Yes, I'm bitter. But I think I wear it well. And if not? Too bad.

So Far January is Showing Me Nothing

2009-01-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

Hmm, so far this month I have:

Gone up to CT and back on one very icy, snowy day to attend my dear aunt's funeral.
Found out my father has pneumonia and was being admitted to the hospital
Been projectile vomited on
Spent an entire morning in the pediatrician's office with 2 very sick children, one of whom was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Disease (which, fortunately sounds worse than it is, but if not treated can become pneumonia)
Have sore arm muscles from trying to hold my 2 yr old on my lap while she screamed and tried with all her might to get loose while I tried to administer nebulizer treatments so she will stop wheezing

Oh, and the past 3 nights I've slept a total of maybe 7 hours due to said sick children.

So far January is shaping up to be a seriously craptastic month.

The After Holiday Blues

2009-01-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

I've got 'em. Everything always feels so flat after the holidays. All that planning, decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, sending, ANTICIPATING, and then it's over. And it's cold and bleak and spring is a long way off. I feel like this every year but this year more so.

This year our holidays were overshadowed by the unexpected hospitalization and then death of my dear aunt. As a family we're still reeling from the shock and sorrow. But we soldiered on through the holidays for the kids. Now that they're over there's nothing else to occupy my mind. I am just very, very sad. It comes and goes in waves and will continue to do so for some time I am sure.

Couple that with the bitterly cold and depressing weather, the lack of schedule for the past 3 weeks AND the fact that I am back on Weight Watchers with a vengeance (which means no chocolate..) and I may need medication soon.

I am a creature of habit. While I enjoy the holidays just like everyone else, I get a little squirelly when we get out of our routine. Heck, I don't even really like the weekends for that reason. Sitting around in a house after the holidays (with the decorations still up- ugh) and before school starts again makes me feel really unsettled. We're in this odd kind of holding pattern that is making me feel really melancholy and out of sorts- like I don't fit in my own skin.

I feel like I just need to fast forward through this month and get on with 2009. I'd like to snap my fingers and have all the decorations put away, the tree taken down, the new toys organized, the thank you cards written and most importantly have everyone back in their usual routines. Because that is when I operate best.

I Didn't Truly Know Disappointment Until I Had Kids

2008-12-18T18:05:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I have to break my son's heart. Our long awaited vacation will have to be cancelled due to a blizzard. To say he will be crushed is an understatement. He has been talking about this trip and doing the countdown for weeks. The past few days I have agonized over this. I've shed tears and lost my appetite.

This is the chapter they leave out of the baby books (along with the one where even after you potty train your child you'll still be wiping his butt). Any time your child is disappointed, you'll be devastated.

I know that life is hard and that disappointment is a part of growing up but I'm still not prepared- he's only 4 and I try to do what I can to spare him from as many crushing blows as possible.

But sometimes you can't do anything to stop the hurt/disappointment. And that just SUCKS.

I'm going to need medication to get through the dating years...

The pothole from hell

2008-12-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I hit the pothole from hell. I'll spare you all the gory details but will tell you that this became an enormous production because it turned out that the rims were not factory installed. It is no exaggeration to say that I spent HOURS tracking down this mystery rim. I was finally able to locate it in Jacksonville, FL.

Here is the financial breakdown:
Cost to change tire that went flat due to damaged rim: $15.49
Cost to repair damaged rim: $ 139.85
Cost to replace rim that was damaged beyond repair: $ 210.74
Cost to put new rim on car: $34.56

TOTAL: $400.54

You cannot, however, put a price tag on the amount of aggravation this caused me.

Top 5 Reasons I Am Still Trying to Lose 20 Pounds

2008-12-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

1) Christmas Cookies
2) Christmas Candy
3) Holiday Parties
4) Starbucks Gingerbread Lattes
5) Egg Nog

Of course, this list only explains the last few weeks. The last few years? Yeah, that list is going to be way longer.

Is winter over yet? Oh, wait, it hasn't even started.

2008-12-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

Baby, it's cold outside! Brr... the high today was 24 degrees. The HIGH. And it's not even officially winter yet. I've never been a huge fan of winter; I can get on board with it until New Year and then I'm done- bring on the warm weather (hold the humidity, please). But winter came early this year and already I am over it.

Dry skin, static cling, bulky clothes, colds and flu, etc., etc. All that is bad enough. But factor in 2 small kids and I'm ready to book a flight to Cabo. Every day it's the same thing- searching for lost hats and mittens, suiting them up like Ralphie in A Christmas Story only to have someone need to go to the bathroom or need a diaper change and then managing to get the Michelin boy and girl in their carseats- it's enough to make me change my mind and just stay home.

Except that with 2 small kids who can't get out and play- these days if we don't leave the house there is a very large chance that I might lose my mind. There is only so much Noggin you can watch, so many art projects you can do, so many Christmas cookies you can bake before you have to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. And my kids end up like a couple of monkeys on espresso after being cooped up for too long.

If only I had a dollar for every time I've yelled, "No running in the house!" I could actually buy those tickets to Cabo. (And if we're throwing out absurd wishes I'd also like Sarah Jessica Parker's metabolism....but I digress)

Walking Down Memory Lane

2008-12-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

Ah, Facebook. I resisted for months. I mean, I'm pushing 40 for crying out loud. And honestly, do I really need another time sucker on the internet? But peer pressure finally got the best of me and I joined.

Yikes. The walk down memory lane has been a bit unsettling. I mean, shouldn't the past be left in the past? Don't get me wrong, it's been nice to reconnect with some old friends. But what's with the people you haven't seen in 20 years all of a sudden coming out of the woodwork?

Just because we sat next to each other in Chemistry in 10th grade doesn't mean I want to be "friends" with you now. And I could do without seeing a picture of my douchebag ex-boyfriend from high school in the People You May Know section. Ditto for the old roommate who turned out to be an uber bitch from hell and left me licking my wounds after the demise of our friendship. All of this just stirs up all the negative feelings I had finally managed to bury after years of cookie dough and chardonnay.

Seeing old friends can be great. But it can also suck. Because let's face it, old hurts don't really die. And now, thanks to the genius of good old Facebook, I'm picking the scab again. It's like being in high school all over again. Only now I'm carrying an extra 20 lbs and the beginnings of crow's feet.

But hey, at least now I don't need a fake ID to buy chardonnay.

Is it too much to ask?

2008-10-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

That you give me a quick, "Sorry to keep you waiting" when you are running 45 minutes behind and I have been sitting in the examining room tapping my fingers and watching the clock and thinking that I will just have to leave before you even walk in the door because my babysitter has to leave soon?

Is that too much to ask? When did common courtesy disappear? I know you have all the fancy diplomas on the wall and all and I'm just a lowly patient but let me just spell it out for you: MY TIME IS VALUABLE TOO. Please remember that next time you keep another patient waiting for almost an hour.

Rush Hour

2008-09-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

Before I had kids, I had a job (and a life) and I used to deal with rush hour. It was annoying, but then I got home, had dinner, watched some TV and generally relaxed and slowed down.

Those were the good old days. These days I feel like my whole life is rush hour. And it needs to stop.

I am constantly in a hurry. There is no such thing as a relaxing shower or a leisurely meal. I now take 60 second showers because there is always someone pulling on the shower curtain or "playing" in the bathroom. I shovel food in so fast I fear one day I will choke to death. This speed eating began when Jack was born and continues to this day. I am considering entering a pie eating contest or perhaps that famous Nathan's hot dog eating contest. I may not win but I'm positive I could place.

I am in and out of the grocery store in record time. If I have the kids with me I rush like hell to avoid a meltdown in the checkout line. If I'm by myself I am rushing because I need to get back home because Em will have been crying the entire time I'm gone. The thing is- even when I do get back home I'm still in a hurry.

I am so hyped up all day trying to get things done that I am making myself crazy. I'm always trying to get through one task so that I can move on to the next. I realized this the other night as I was reading to the kids at bedtime. I was not fully present, I was thinking about the dishes in the sink and the laundry that needed to be folded. That's when I realized that even when I'm not rushing my head is racing. And that has to stop. It's one thing to race through the grocery store, but race through bedtime? Come on.

What on earth is so important that I can't sit and snuggle with my children at bedtime? Laundry? Please, it never stops. No sooner will I fold it but there will be another load to go in or come out. Same with dishes. And the trash. And recycling. And vacuuming, etc., etc., etc. I am going to blink and they will no longer be taking baths, they'll be showering. Footy pajamas and bedtime stories will be a thing of the past. The laundry? That will be there for the rest of my life.
So while I doubt I'll be taking 10 minute showers any time soon or actually tasting my food for the next few years, I am going to try to slow down and actually be in the moment with my two little ones. I have a feeling when I am finally able to take that long shower it just won't be that much fun without a little face peering around the side of the curtain.

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

2008-09-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

Most days around here are filled with confusion and delay. Someone loses a shoe on the way from the house to the car, Jack has a meltdown because he cannot live in a tree, I realize Em has a poopy dipe as I'm putting her in the car seat and I look like something that the cat dragged in. Then in the shuffle of all this I've lost the keys and by the time I find them it's almost lunch time so let's just forget it.

But not today.

Today I not only got a shower, I actually put on makeup. I'm not wearing track pants. Everyone has brushed their teeth. We got to the car without any delay. We got to the library and even though it was pouring cats and dogs I got a parking space RIGHT IN FRONT.

Jack was on his best behavior while we were there. He played nicely and shared trains at the train table and neither ran nor shouted. Emma decided for once to stay on the children's side and play/read; I did not have to spend the entire time chasing after her up and down the aisles of books dodging disapproving looks from the retirees who spend their mornings there. Neither one of them pitched a fit when it was time to go.

I'm still in shock. Also a little anxious now because you just know I am going to pay for this later. I have images of me cleaning poop off the rug while on hold with the electric company because we have water coming in through the electrical panel in the basement and then they do come on the line but I can't hear them because Jack is crying once again about the whole not being able to live in a tree thing and then an anvil falls on my head...

But you know what? It would be worth it.

First Day of School

2008-09-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

So today was the first day of school. Well, sort of. Jack had a one hour orientation for preschool and Emma started Mother's Day Out. As you can imagine I've had mixed emotions about all of it. How on earth is it possible that my firstborn will be going to kindergarten next year ? Although his behavior lately has been rather charm free (ok, downright obnoxious) and I may be looking into military school, but I digress.

What I'm really struggling with is sending Emma to Mother's Day Out. She's almost 2 and I always thought I'd keep her home as long as possible since she's my baby. Plus I have all that guilt that comes with the second one and how they don't get enough one on one time....

She's only going 2 mornings a week so it's not like I'm sending her off to boarding school or anything. I definitely think she's ready to get out and spread her wings a bit and play with someone other than her brother. I'm also hopeful that this will help with the fact that she still falls apart when I leave the room. She only wants me, all the time. Even the pediatrician recommended enrolling her in some sort of program so that she can start to get over the extreme separation anxiety.

But, oh, the guilt. She was fine when I left her, but of course when I picked her up she ran at me and clung to me as though she had been away at sea for a year. And I was crushed. Now, I've been down this road before. When Jack started MDO he cried at first too. They all do, according to the teacher. But it was different this time because I know how she gets when I leave the room and she can still see me. So I held her while she sobbed and fought back the tears while wondering how much money I should be putting away for her future therapy bills.

I'm sure (God, I hope) in a few weeks she'll settle in and really start to love it. Then I can relax a bit. Until I realize that she no longer needs to be attached to me all day long. That my baby is no longer a baby and that I am no longer the center of her universe.

I think I'd better be socking away some money for my own therapy as well.

Drive Much?

2008-09-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

You know, I don't think I would describe myself as having Road Rage. It's more like Road Outrage.

How hard is it to do simple things like, oh I don't know, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL?? Or perhaps acknowledging when someone lets you in- you know, maybe giving them a courtesy wave? Is that too freaking hard? And really, when I am in my car, with the windows up, listening to the radio (oh, who am I kidding, listening to the movie Cars for the 12th time) I do not want to hear what the person next to me is listening to. When your music is that loud you are no longer a car but basically a really expensive stereo.

In the same way that I think doctors should have to take a class in bedside manner I think there should be a little section on the Driver's Exam- you know, a little roadside manner if you will. Simple little things like:

When you're done with your cigarette you should:

A) Put it out in your ashtray

B) Fling it in the direction of the car next to you so that it lands in the passenger's lap. (I shit you not this happened to me in college)

When you have snow on your car you should:

A) Remove the snow from the entire car

B) Remove only enough so that you can see out a small fraction of your windshield thereby guaranteeing that at some point in your travels large chunks of snow and ice will fly off your car and land on the car behind you

When you cannot find a parking spot on a city street you should:

A) Continue driving until you find one

B) Park wherever you find convenient- even if this means entirely blocking someone's driveway

And bonus points for the people who answer "AT HOME" to the time old question, "Where should you apply eyeliner?"

Happy Trails...